Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Thank-you.

The posts I have written recently have been prompted specifically buy a national postal survey in Australia asking if people think same-sex-marriage should be made legal. This post won’t change law, but it has caused huge and divisive discussion and campaigning for the two opposing sides. This campaigning has often been less than respectful and has lead to a huge amount of fear mongering by some on the “no” side.

All this aside (or because of all this), I want to say thank-you to all those who have spoken with love and compassion and conducted the (unnecessary…) debate with as much respect as possible, regardless of beliefs. To dear friends on both sides, and to strangers who have made this time that little bit easier – THANK-YOU.

May this time past swiftly and may the healing begin in more earnest.

Peace be with you,

Johansen X

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That portrait behind you.

When someone believes that your sexuality, or in the very least, acting on your same-sex-attraction is wrong in some way, it is nigh impossible to forget. 

Even in the better scenarios where, despite every interaction and conversation being one where spoken judgement or condemnation are reserved, where every response and interaction has been filled with respect, compassion, and love… Still.

Knowing that in some way someone thinks you’re not okay, or rather, that your sexuality is in some way wrong, hangs behind them in every thought, image, and interaction, like a portrait that you can never unsee. It cuts deep. They stand in front of it and speak only kindness, and mean only kindness, but you can still see the portrait and you know that it is still saying, in some way, “there is something wrong with you.”

I am grateful when people can love beyond a sexuality that they don’t understand or struggle to accept or approve of. 

I’ll be more grateful still when that portrait is replaced with a more gentle picture.

Be careful with your words, but please, be even more inquisitive and gentle in your thoughts. Dare to wonder how much you can actually “know”, and for those of you who already do, be brave to hand over even that uncertainty and just love. Take down that portrait. Please.

God surely won’t condemn you for that. Nor, I doubt, will it send the world to hell in a hand basket or be the downfall of society.

Johansen X

The Phone Box

Phone Box

That? That is my phone box.

Over time, my “smart” phone has become both an indispensable device that helps me organise so many aspects of my life – from calendar to GPS, from banking to shopping list, from music producer to metronome. Not to mention the actual phone that it originally evolved from. In my life, it has also become a constant source of anxiety.

Like many, I frequently find myself checking anything from my E-mail to the weather in that sticky, habitual, rather compulsive way. So often now, even just the sight of the thing generates feelings of overwhelm and aversion.

Breaking such habits is difficult, especially when devices are constantly within our reach and programmed to be “sticky”. At times I’ve considered returning to a “dumb” phone (oh, for the old Nokia 3310!) just to solve the problem, but have realised that the smart phone really has become quite indispensable in my life. This was made particularly clear following a break-in, which not only alerted me (via internet banking and my compulsive checking) to the fact that my card had been used, that my handbag (including my purse and all my house and car keys) had been stolen.  It was the phone that allowed me to quickly cancel cards, contact police, sort-out direct debit issues, re-order replacement cards, and much more.

So, how can I get the most out the benefits of this device without it overtaking my life with the compulsive checking?

I created a “phone box.” This box is where I place my phone for most of the day and only take out when I actively choose to use it. The box is in a place where it is easily accessible, and yet it removes the device from my direct sight. I can still hear it ring or “dings” with a message, but it’s no longer constantly by my side, emanating that mental barrage of stimuli that I know it holds.

Aside from the uncomfortable and challenging adjustment period of learning to do things like watch TV, do my music practice, read, or even cook without being constantly diverted or multi-tasking, it has been a God-send. I am calmer. My head feels calmer. My home feels like a more peaceful place. I feel less overwhelmed so much of the time.

Technology can provide great opportunities and conveniences. When we work out how to use it smartly in a way that benefits us more than it takes away from us, is when we can really make the most of what it has to offer.

The “phone box” is one very helpful strategy that I have discovered. Using the ‘Do not disturb’ option between 8pm and 7am is another one.

May you, too, find your own ways that help you juggle and smartly manage the omnipresence of these oh-so-helpful devices.

Kind regards,

Johansen.

New Year ‘Focus Areas’

Around this time of year there is a lot of talk about resolutions and goals. To set them or not to set them? To aim high or keep them more achievable? Measurable or general?

I prefer choose some focus areas for the year and then explore both now and then explore, over time, what these areas mean to me and what they look like when put into play.

I find that my focus areas often overlap with the ones of the previous years and are generally based very much around my core values and things that are positive for my own and others’ well-being – physical, mental, spiritual, social.

This year’s focus areas are:

Community: continuing to build, strengthen and develop local community. To help create a local environment that helps to meet my needs for local connection and feelings of belonging, as well as to foster the same for others.

Health: continue to undertake activities that are essential to my health and wellbeing. These include things like playing my music, nourishing my body with good food and moderate and enjoyable exercise, a balance of activity and down time that works with my energy levels and volunteering at a local organisation.

Family: continuing to negotiate and develop relationships with different members of my family so that we all benefit from our interactions and connections.

These are my main three. There will be more, but most of them come back to these core ones. There are strategies for each, but I won’t list them here, and they really do evolve as everything is in life does. Change is one thing that I think we can all rely on, whether it is comfortable or not.

This is just the way that I have found that allows me to move into the new year with both something to aim for but with a gentleness that allows me to be both specific but flexible.

I hope you can find your own way to move forward.

J X

Holiday Quiet (is not always peaceful)

I don’t think I have ever noticed it quite so clearly before, but it feels like the city (world) really does go “off-line” over the Christmas / New Year period. The streets are quite, the shops are closed. People stay home or with family (or if they’re unlucky, they still have to work.) I imagine this time of quiet for many people is a respite from the usual fast-pace that life can be.

What happens to those who are less connected though?

Those without families?

Those with families but who live alone?

Who have more less-structured days or alone times?

Those who are having a rough time but whose usual supports are having a (well earned) break?

Volunteer and support services are often closed. For me I know that it is not only the “clients” but the volunteers that this can have profound effect on.

The less connected can become and feel even more disconnected. More lonely.

Neighbours and friends are around, but many go off the radar, either spending time with family or just taking some much needed time out. This is understandable.

Some times big things, unexpected things or crises happen which throws usual patterns out of whack, compounding the challenge of getting through an already difficult time with less resources. This is life. These things happen.

What do we do in this time if we feel like we have little to hold on to, to tether us? We sit quietly trying to pass our days, wondering what on earth to do ourselves and hoping that things will improve when the world turns back on again. Or at least that seems to be what I’m doing. You might have a different way. Please share if you care to. We all have our own ways.

For someone whose days and weeks are structured much differently to many peoples, I’m hanging out for the city to turn its lights back on, for the pedestrian and car traffic to pick up, for shop doors to open, routines to recommence, volunteer gigs to kick off in the new year, markets that sell strawberries to light up and regular, trusty routines to return.

In the mean time, what is there to learn from this? I suppose if we take the time (and head space), we can note by their absences what things are just so important in our day-today lives and work on strengthening them in the coming year (and maybe even plan ahead for future times.) In the middle of potential emotional tumult, we can discover who is able to offer tendrils of connection or hope when we need them most (and from whom we might find them mos helpful.) If we find them (I have) then we can acknowledge them with gratitude. We can be reminded of why sometime Facebook really can feel like it offers a life-line, whether or not we engage with it. We can understand and empathize just a little more with others who are struggling in their own or similar ways.

I think most at this time, we (I) can acknowledge what I already knew – just how important  connections with other people are and how treasured different types of relationships can be. From simple waves and sidewalk conversations to shared cups of tea, to crossing paths at local markets (and more…) They all have their place, and I am grateful that I have enough of them to notice their absence when they are not there. My wish – my New Year wish (and resolution?) – is that some how all might be able to find even just some of these connections, and that I might be able to play a small role in offering them as well as receiving them.

J X

‘Tis the Season

Today is my birthday. I’ve always loved birthdays. I’ve always loved Christmas. New Year I can take or leave.

As an adult, birthdays have remained special to me. While so many have reached a “meh” point with them, for me each one has marked another year that I have kept myself alive. That is no easy feat.

Birthday and Christmas celebrations have always run together. It’s just been a special time of year.. The lights, the carols, the good-will (for those of us who are lucky enough to experience it.) Decorations, trees, traditions. It has always held some kind of magic.

This year it has been a bit different. It all started off the same with the excitement, the lights, the magic. All was well.

But life happens.

For the first time ever I felt to some degree what many others feel at this time of year. The magic disappeared, I’ve been exhausted and dreading obligations (but still lucky enough to have family obligations.) I have just wanted to run off to some bush retreat(or hunker down at home) until it had all passed and things were back to normal (whatever that is.)

I thought that this year would just be a write-off, the year to go down in history as that Christmas that I would just want to forget.

But… Some times it just takes something small to change things. For me, I called on a friend, a neighbour, and asked her if she would be up for a morning cuppa on my birthday. I just wanted an hour of something small and normal to look forward to. She bought be breakfast at a local cafe. The weather was perfect (the heat of the day is yet to hit.) In that hour, I couldn’t have asked for more.

That breakfast, that “small” but lovely start to my morning has shifted something. I am grateful. I think that maybe, just maybe some of the magic has seeped back in.

I am lucky. I have so much and so many good people. With just that tiny hint of the misery that engulfs so many at this time or year for so many reasons, I think my perception of how hard it can be might have shifted that little bit from head knowing to heart knowledge.

I hope that others, whatever is going on, can find even just a tiny spark of magic this year, and if not, that they are able to endure the darkness in the hope of better things in times to come.

Peace be with you.

J X

There is life after Facebook

It has been one month since I deactivated my Facebook account.

I might also add that on the same day, I removed my web browser from my phone (and all unnecessary apps), relegated my television from my home and sold my iPad. I “dumbed down” my “smart world.” I don’t regret it.

Aside from not having ready access to anything I wanted to know or Google RIGHT NOW (a relief not to be able to, actually, and a darn good lesson in patience and discerning what actually matters and is worth looking up later), the only time this has caused me real inconvenience was when I got lost trying to find a place and couldn’t look up the address or number to call and find it. I did find it (eventually.)

Like many, I doubted whether I could live without Facebook and the “connections” it provided, particularly those related to events and invitations. I was lucky enough to have had two months last year without Facebook to give me some idea that was possible. I returned for event and group connection thinking that I could manage my use, but over time it became an insidious habit again; that is how it is designed to be.

So, what’s changed?

I have contact with less people, but I do have more quality contact with the people that I do see or talk to. News and happenings in people’s lives have actually become news, not just an “oh yeah, I saw that on Facebook.”

I do miss out on some event invitations, but in all honestly, despite intents, I actually attended very few and I’m not missing them thus far, so time will tell.

I’ve become a lot more productive and creative. Someone wise once said that boredom was necessary for creativity. I think I’m starting to agree.

I sew more.

I play music more.

I go out more.

I come up with ingenious (in my mind) solutions to simple problems.

I wait more patiently, even if I still pass that waiting time with Tetris on my 23 year old Gameboy.

Both my house and my mind feels more peaceful.

I still pick up my phone out of habit and for lack of anything more interesting, I check the weather and then put it back down again. The frequency of this is slowly decreasing.

I do still watch TV. I watch free-to-air and Netflix on my lap top. It is still a screen, but the simple change of having less screens in the house has been calming.

I look forward to seeing what the next month will bring.

If you’re considering whether Facebook is doing more harm that good in your life, test it out. Give yourself a fortnight or a month and then re-evaluate. You may be surprised.

J X